A Rudycard take on the Super Bowl.
By Rams Nation's Rudy Hiers
A Canadian singing God Bless American
Who’s next? Charo?
My first glimpse at John Lynch on the sidelines.
He looks frustrated… Must be because he hasn’t had a chance to spear
Referee Bill Corollo doesn’t seem to know which team is home or visitor
for today’s game
Real nice. The game hasn’t even started yet, and the officials have already
made their first mistake.
Tampa Bay receives the kick. During the return, Warren Sapp leaves the field
and takes a flight to Green Bay, where upon arrival, he promptly blindsides
The offense that can’t afford to make a turnover does just that
on the third play from scrimmage, with Brad Johnson throwing an ill-advised
pass under pressure, which is promptly intercepted by Oakland.
The GHB Kid A.K.A Sebastian Janikowski puts the Raiders on the board
first with a 40 yard FG
Raiders 3 Tampa 0
Referee Bill Corollo and his crew shows that the confusion on the coin
toss wasn’t a fluke by blowing an obvious down by contact call, thus forcing
the Bucs to burn one of their 2 game challenges early in the first quarter in
order to have the ruling overturned
These are the ‘best” officials in the league?
Tampa’s mascot Martin “Ham”matica ties the game up
by booting a 31 yard FG.
Oakland 3 Tampa Bay 3
ABC promotes the halftime show starring Shania Twain. Next Commercial
is a Pepsi spot starring the Osbourne’s and the Osmond’s.
Gee, Celine Dion, Shania, and Ozzy and his kids. Put me to bed mommy cause my
day is now complete.
Here’s a thought… Quit calling it Super Bowl Sunday, and rename
it “visits from extremely annoying celebrities’ day”
All I know is the crap they’re throwing at us these days is making me
yearn for the “up with people” era
Rich Gannon does his best Todd Marinovich impression and throws a pick
giving Tampa Bay the ball at the 50 yard line at the end of the 1st Quarter
Oakland 3 Tampa Bay 3
Gramatica kicks his 2nd FG of the day... a 43 yarder that gives Tampa
Bay a 6-3 lead
Let’s see, 20 minutes into the game and we have 4 punts and 3 FG’s.
Early favorite for the Super Bowl 37 DVD title
“Have Foot.. Will Travel!”
Gannon moves on to his Neil O’Donnell impression, throwing his
2nd INT of the day.
Tampa responds to this largesse by promptly going three and out on the offensive
side of the ball.
So far, the game is about as attractive as a nude photo of Anna Nicole Smith
Punts 5 and 6 of the game in a span of a minute.
So far, there are more kicks in this game than at Radio City Music hall.
Alstott rumbles in from the 2 yard line. Tampa Bay goes up by 10 at
Al Davis is so angry at the team’s performance in the first half, that
he threatens to move the team to Fargo, North Dakota at halftime.
Brad Johnson fires a 5 yard TD pass to Keenan McCardell
Tampa Bay goes up by 17 at the half leading 20-3
Al Davis begins to think that Fargo is too good for the Raiders, begins exploratory
search for a stadium location in Antarctica.
The only thing uglier than the Raiders play at this moment is Al Davis’
wardrobe and the arrest records of most Raider fans
Raider offensive totals for the first half
2 first downs
18 yards rushing
44 yards passing.
Yep, offensive sure is the word for it.
Shania Twain comes out on stage dressed in a sequined/diamond silver
and black motif Yowza!
Hmmmmm…. Wonder if it’s too late to switch to Pewter and Red leather
This just in, Gannon has thrown two more INT’s during the ATT Wireless
This just in, Gwen Stefani of No Doubt has covered more ground on stage
in one song than the Raiders did in the first half.
First possession of the 2nd half goes to Oakland, and they go three
“Crash cart to Al Davis’ suite please”
Tampa continues to discombobulate Raider Nation, with Brad Johnson
throwing his 2nd TD pass to Keenan McCardell while finishing up a 9 minute 16
play drive that runs a stake through Al Davis’ heart ( If he had a heart
that is )
Tampa Bay 27 Raiders 3
Rich Gannon continue to make his case for the worst day by a QB in
the history of Super Bowl, by tossing his third INT, this one returned by Dwight
Smith for 45 yard TD.
The Raiders have now thrown more INT’s (3) than they have first downs
Tampa Bay 34 Raiders 3
Is it too late to bring out Celine Dion for an encore?
Raiders finally mount some semblance of offense
Raiders challenge a catch by Jerry Porter in the end zone that’s ruled
out of bounds, and the call is reversed and called a touchdown.
They then promptly fail on the 2 point conversion
Tampa Bay 34 Raiders 9
Start of the 4th quarter
Raiders special teams supply a spark, blocking Tampa’s punt and returning
it for a TD.
They again fail on the 2 point conversion and the lead is closed to 34-15.
Al Davis’ who was in the process of changing the Raider motto to “we
just suck baby” stops and waits.
Tampa muffs a field goal try…. Gramatica wisely falls down with
the ball before he gets bent into 67 different positions by REAL football players.
Oakland, deep in desperation mode connects on a Gannon to Rice 49 yard
They fail on their third consecutive 2 point conversion try on a play that Raider
coach Callahan foolishly wastes a challenge on. Porter is forced out of bounds
while in the air, but that portion of the play ISN’T reviewable, only
whether he was in bounds or not is.
A decided waste of an important time out.
Tampa Bay 34 Oakland 21
6 minutes left.
2 minute warning. Oakland ball at their own 38
Gannon tosses his 4th INT of the game, the 2nd to be returned for a
TD in the game by Tampa. Derrick Brooks puts the lights out on Raider nation
with a 45 yard return.
Gannon cements his legacy amongst the worst QB’ing efforts in
Super Bowl history, by throwing his 5th INT . This one is the THIRD returned
for a TD in the game. This one a 50 yarder by Dwight Smith… His 2nd of
Thankfully and mercifully for Raiduh nation, it’s over.
Tampa Bay whoops up on the Davis clan to the tune of 48-21
Now begins the long off season for NFL fans (made especially longer now that
we have to listen to John Lynch and Warren Sapp run their mouths)
The Rudycard staff is happy though, for all the long time Buc fans, who suffered
through some of the worst football the NFL has seen over the last 27 years.
They deserve this moment.
Now we have to listen to freekin’ Bon Jovi before they hand the
God the NFL is getting irritating these days. I don’t know whether it’s
the Super Bowl anymore, or Star Search.
At least we won’t have to worry about Georgia making any asinine remarks
on the podium today, such as she did in ‘99’
Coming up next week…
A look at the April Draft.