By Rams Nation's Forum member Ramtime
Postons Phone Tapped. Recorded Conversation With Orlando Pace
Shortly after the final regular season game of the 2002 season (Monday Night Football) Karl Poston is sitting at his desk in an outfit similar to Herb Tarlicks (salesman on WKRP in Cincinnati) feet propped up on his desk, leaning back in his chair talking on the phone to Charles Woodson while he wraps the phone cord around his finger (Trying to beat his record 17 wraps) then unwraps it by pulling the cord briskly over the end of his finger repeating this annoying habit approx 4 times per minute.
Ring Ring Ring ….
Karl’s over paid, over developed and under educated secretary Busty Boomer
answers the phone while smacking her gum.
Busty: Smack smack hello Karl Poston's office pop smack.
Caller: Hi Busty. Working late again I see. This is Orlando Pace I need to speak to Karl.
Busty: Karl Line 2 please.
Karl: I’m on the phone with Charles Woodson take a number and tell them I’ll call back.
Busty: OK I’ll tell Mr. Pace your busy with Charles and you will call him back.
Karl: WAIT! WAIT Busty! Ah Charles baby can I get back to you after the playoffs, I’ll know more about where we stand on your contract after the playoffs.
Woodson: OK Karl it’s getting late anyway see you later.
Karl presses line 2 before Charles could finish his goodbye.
Karl: Hello Opie! How did my favorite definsive ball player do tonight? How many balls did you hit against the Giants.
Pace: Well I got a little pull in my groin and I don’t play on the defense I play on the offensive line and it was the San Francisco 49ers we played not the San Francisco Giants. It’s football you know Karl.
Karl: Of course Opie I just like to kid around a little with my best friends. Your still my best friend aren’t you Opie?
Pace: Well Karl that’s what I am calling about it seems the team is worried about your tactics as an agent and fear you could be a distraction. Oh and Marshall Faulk (by the way he’s our running back) wants to hit camp early and hard so I told them I was going to seek out another agent.
Karl: Opie remember what I told you about discussing business with your teammates?
Pace: Yea you said they didn’t want me to make allot of money because it would cut into their salaries but….
Karl: But nothing Opie! The season just ended and their already trying to steal what is rightfully yours. I’m your friend Opie I am helping you because I like you.
Pace: I thought you were helping me for a percentage of my total contract?
Karl: Well that’s just red tape Opie… It’s to confusing to go into right now…. Ah… hey Opie did you get the fruit cake I sent you?
Pace: I got a pound cake from you which I don’t really care fo….
Karl: And there are plenty more where that came from. Now what were we talking about Oh yes 85 million dollars. 85 million smackaroos is what I would go after as your agent but if you told the team that you were going to ditch your best friend I guess it’s out of my hands.
Pace: Ddidd Di Did you say 85 million dollars?
Karl: Yes but my hands are tied. If I don’t represent you I can’t even get the Rams to pay attention never mind pay you your 85 million dollars.
Pace: Do you really think I’m worth 85 million dollars Karl?
Karl: Look Opie do you make holes for Marshall Faulk to run through?
Karl: And do you block defensive players that are trying to hurt your quarterback?
Karl: And if you don’t block for your quarterback could your receivers Bruce and Holt catch passes?
Karl: And aren’t they getting around 40 million dollars each?
Karl: Well do the math baby your doing 160 million dollars worth of work for merely half the price. You’re doing them a favor by going in so cheap.
Pace: Your right Karl! Maybe we should ask for more!
Karl: Now Orlando we don’t want to seem too pushy after all I have a reputation to keep.
Pace: OK Karl but they better give me what I want or I’m not going to play.
Karl: Now you’re thinking straight Opie.
Pace: Thanks Karl and from now on I will leave the business end up to you.
Karl: OK Opie, Oh and if anyone from the media calls you, tell them my agent is handling it. Especially those insiders over at Rams Nation. They can be a real pain. Oh and don’t return any calls from your teammates or coaches either. Remember what they are really after.
Pace: Yea a cut of what’s rightfully mine. I’ll
be more careful buddy.
Karl: Chow baby.
Busty: Do you think that was a good idea to tell Mr. Pace that?
Karl: Shut up and get me a scotch!
this was a fictional conversation and in no way reflects what "might" or "could" have happened.
Rams Nation does not condone telling lies. ;)