Postons "Phone Tapped"
By Rams Nation's Forum member Ramtime
Postons Phone Tapped. Recorded Conversation With Orlando Pace
Shortly after the final regular season game of the 2002 season (Monday Night
Football) Karl Poston is sitting at his desk in an outfit similar to Herb Tarlicks
(salesman on WKRP in Cincinnati) feet propped up on his desk, leaning back in
his chair talking on the phone to Charles Woodson while he wraps the phone cord
around his finger (Trying to beat his record 17 wraps) then unwraps it by pulling
the cord briskly over the end of his finger repeating this annoying habit approx
4 times per minute.
Ring Ring Ring ….
Karl’s over paid, over developed and under educated secretary Busty Boomer
answers the phone while smacking her gum.
Busty: Smack smack hello Karl Poston's office pop smack.
Caller: Hi Busty. Working late again I see. This is Orlando
Pace I need to speak to Karl.
Busty: Karl Line 2 please.
Karl: I’m on the phone with Charles Woodson take a number
and tell them I’ll call back.
Busty: OK I’ll tell Mr. Pace your busy with Charles
and you will call him back.
Karl: WAIT! WAIT Busty! Ah Charles baby can I get back to
you after the playoffs, I’ll know more about where we stand on your contract
after the playoffs.
Woodson: OK Karl it’s getting late anyway see you later.
Karl presses line 2 before Charles could finish his goodbye.
Karl: Hello Opie! How did my favorite definsive ball player
do tonight? How many balls did you hit against the Giants.
Pace: Well I got a little pull in my groin and I don’t
play on the defense I play on the offensive line and it was the San Francisco
49ers we played not the San Francisco Giants. It’s football you know Karl.
Karl: Of course Opie I just like to kid around a little with
my best friends. Your still my best friend aren’t you Opie?
Pace: Well Karl that’s what I am calling about it seems
the team is worried about your tactics as an agent and fear you could be a distraction.
Oh and Marshall Faulk (by the way he’s our running back) wants to hit
camp early and hard so I told them I was going to seek out another agent.
Karl: Opie remember what I told you about discussing business
with your teammates?
Pace: Yea you said they didn’t want me to make allot
of money because it would cut into their salaries but….
Karl: But nothing Opie! The season just ended and their already
trying to steal what is rightfully yours. I’m your friend Opie I am helping
you because I like you.
Pace: I thought you were helping me for a percentage of my
Karl: Well that’s just red tape Opie… It’s
to confusing to go into right now…. Ah… hey Opie did you get the
fruit cake I sent you?
Pace: I got a pound cake from you which I don’t really
Karl: And there are plenty more where that came from. Now
what were we talking about Oh yes 85 million dollars. 85 million smackaroos
is what I would go after as your agent but if you told the team that you were
going to ditch your best friend I guess it’s out of my hands.
Pace: Ddidd Di Did you say 85 million dollars?
Karl: Yes but my hands are tied. If I don’t represent
you I can’t even get the Rams to pay attention never mind pay you your
85 million dollars.
Pace: Do you really think I’m worth 85 million dollars
Karl: Look Opie do you make holes for Marshall Faulk to run
Karl: And do you block defensive players that are trying to
hurt your quarterback?
Karl: And if you don’t block for your quarterback could
your receivers Bruce and Holt catch passes?
Karl: And aren’t they getting around 40 million dollars
Karl: Well do the math baby your doing 160 million dollars
worth of work for merely half the price. You’re doing them a favor by
going in so cheap.
Pace: Your right Karl! Maybe we should ask for more!
Karl: Now Orlando we don’t want to seem too pushy after
all I have a reputation to keep.
Pace: OK Karl but they better give me what I want or I’m
not going to play.
Karl: Now you’re thinking straight Opie.
Pace: Thanks Karl and from now on I will leave the business
end up to you.
Karl: OK Opie, Oh and if anyone from the media calls you,
tell them my agent is handling it. Especially those insiders over at Rams Nation.
They can be a real pain. Oh and don’t return any calls from your teammates
or coaches either. Remember what they are really after.
Pace: Yea a cut of what’s rightfully mine. I’ll
be more careful buddy.
Karl: Chow baby.
Busty: Do you think that was a good idea to tell Mr. Pace that?
Karl: Shut up and get me a scotch!
this was a fictional conversation and in no way reflects what "might"
or "could" have happened.
Rams Nation does not condone telling lies. ;)