Round the Horn: Monday 11th August

Greetings and salutations once more, members of the Rams Nation. Well, we've got the Rams first preseason bout under our belts and while I question the validity of preseason games, things didn't look too rosy for the Rams thus far. Regardless, I am here once more to offer you your daily dose of NFL doings, post haste.

Round the Horn: Monday 11th August
By Rams Nation's Brandon Cavanaugh

- Parcells Opens Cowboys Debut With Plenty of Negatives

Alright, so the Cowboys up and got shut out by Emmitt Smith’s new club, the Arizona Cardinals, and Bill Parcells has plenty of things he’s going to kick guys in the ass for. Parcells’ record, even in the preseason, is 40-17 and he was not the least bit pleased with the effort shown in Tempe. "We didn't really do much of anything," he said. "We had way too many long yardage situations, we were getting penalized or sacked, we dropped balls, we couldn't get near their quarterback. Just pretty much everything was poor," said Parcells. Reports indicate the tuna salad sandwich he ordered from room service was sub par, too, but we’re awaiting confirmation on that.

Parcells refused to use the heat as an issue even though it was 110 degrees at kickoff and still 107 at halftime. The Cowboys were rather fruitless while the Cardinals came out and kicked butt, especially on the defensive end. What did I just write? What year is it? How long have I been asleep? "This is going to be a nasty football team," head coach Dave McGinnis stated. "It's going to be a nasty football team within the boundaries of the rules that we have. We've got speed on this defense and now we've got to get production out of it, and I liked what I saw today." Well, Dave, it’d better be because other than that, I don’t see what Zona’s got in a first string over four quarters.

- Giants’ Super-sized Problems

Jeremy Shockey apparently reads the Roving Ram and was so distraught over my verbal barbs against his person that he came out and apologized for his actions! Saints be praised! With Jim Fassel and a team spokesman monitoring everything that came out of his yap, Shockey apologized for his negative words against Bill Parcells stating that, hey, he was just kidding, dude! "I apologize for everything I said that offended people," Shockey said. "I really, at the time, it was a laughing matter for me and I was just having fun with it." Methinks Jeremy’s gotten a hold of the wacky tobaccy, but that could just be a hunch. Shockey is quoted as calling Parcells a “homo” in an upcoming edition of New York magazine. Jeremy vowed to avoid any further controversy and that means EVER. "I am going to be as plain as possible," Shockey said. "You'll probably never hear me say an outrageous thing ever again. I'll probably never talk to you again." Must…contain…laughter. Okay, okay, I can do this too, here we go: I find Bill Romanowski to be an excellent role model for children and old people alike.

Shockey isn’t the only Giant with problems within the organization, it seems. Wide receiver Ron Dixon has been fined an undisclosed amount of money and was, get this, THROWN OUT of Fassel’s office on Saturday for missing treatment for his surgically repaired right knee. "He had a little different meeting with me than a normal guy would," a new and improved pissed off Fassel said. "I don't want to get into it. I am sure, for him, it was not a pleasant meeting." Oooo, bust-ed, oooo! Fassel was reportedly so upset at Dixon that he broke his office door slamming it behind him. Reports suggests that Dixon is about as close as you can get to being kicked off the team. "A situation came up that I had to address, and unfortunately I didn't let anyone know," Dixon said on Sunday. "Me and [head] coach Fassel talked about it, the situation. That was it."

- Sherman: Brown Out for Season

The woes for Gilbert “The Gravedigger” Brown continue, unfortunately. Brown is reportedly out for the season after tearing his right biceps muscle and the Green Bay Packers hope to replace him with free agent Dan Wilkinson. Safety Bryant Westbrook is also out for the remainder of the year after he ruptured his Achilles' tendon during Saturday’s bout against the Falcons. Brown was injured during the second period when he tried to tackle fullback George Layne. "I feel bad for him. He came up and apologized to me that he got hurt, and it's certainly not his fault he got hurt," Sherman stated. "It's a very freak injury, we've never seen it happen before. It's unfortunate for him and us, but life goes on." The Packers will obviously have to snag someone but quick if they cannot sign Wilkinson who refused a pay cut with the Redskins. The Packers played former Nebraska Cornhusker Steve Warren and journeyman Steve Martin after Brown was injured. Warren was activated off of the physically unable to perform list after some offseason back trouble.

- McGahee’s Agent: Deal Could Be Struck by Next Week

Drew Rosenhaus is cautiously optimistic about signing his client, former Miami Hurricane Willis McGahee, and soon. “We're tentatively optimistic that we, perhaps, have a framework in place for an agreement," Rosenhaus said "We made significant progress on a number of issues, including the term of the agreement, the signing bonus and the incentives," Rosenhaus added. "We're hopeful that we'll be able to iron out some details and close in on an agreement ... and possibly have a deal done by early next week." The meeting was held in Baltimore, where the Bills played their preseason debut against the Ravens later in the day.

You know, folks ask me about McGahee’s knee injury in college during last year’s Fiesta Bowl against Ohio State. Was it really as bad as I make it out to be? Allow me to sound like James Lipton for a minute and request that you go see one of the best college football games ever played: Miami vs. Ohio State 2003. The injury was flat out SICK. Rosenhaus maintains that Willis is ready to practice, but the Bills are cautious, understandably so. "The one thing they've been emphatic about is that they're not going to put Willis in a position where he can injure himself," Rosenhaus said. "And we really spent more of the time talking about the contract and didn't really get into any type of discussion in terms of what his timeframe is.”

The Roving Roundup: Pats’ Stai Retires, Texans RB Allen Does the Same, Fielder Returns to Practice, Former Duck Sitting Pretty and Farmer Named Rams #3.

- New England Patriots guard and former Nebraska Cornhusker Brendan Stai has officially retired, less than two weeks after signing a one-year deal with the club. Stai, now 31, informed head coach Bill Belichick of his decision. "That one took me by surprise," Belichick said. "I definitely didn't see it coming. It was obviously a personal decision. I can't give you an explanation for it."

- The Houston Texans also had a member of their squad hang up the pads. Runningback James Allen decided enough was enough on Sunday as well. "I believe that all things must come to an end. But at every ending there is a new beginning. I feel like it is time for me to move on to pursue other passions," Allen stated.

- Jay Fielder has returned to practice with the Miami Dolphins missing the team's first preseason bout with back spasms. Head coach Dave Wannstedt said he expects Fiedler to play the first quarter against Jacksonville this week.

- Former Oregon Duck Onterrio Smith's brief holdout doesn’t seem to be hurting his chances to get his hands on the football. Smith rushed 12 times for 33 yards and a touchdown against Jacksonville and elevated himself to #2 on the depth chart.

- Former Missouri Tiger Kirk Farmer's 8-of-13 passing for 130 yards has landed the rookie in the Rams’ #3 QB slot for now, Mike Martz said. "You don't know about quarterbacks until you throw them in a game," Martz said. "You get them prepared, you talk to them. You say, 'Man, this guy's ready to go. He knows his stuff. He looks good in practice.' Then you put him in a game, and he can hardly tell you his name."

Questions, comments and the heartiest of gadgetry can be sent to ===Brandon a.k.a. Blankman #71===

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