Rudy is back, and he’s angry!!!
By Rams Nation's Rudy Hiers
Turley joins Rams… Sehorn possibly to follow:
Wow… We’re not in the 2001 NFL anymore Toto.
You all remember the 2001 season don’t you?
Here, let’s play guess the quote then shall we…
“Oh man, I was so happy. If the Rams had won a Super Bowl here [in
New Orleans], I would have been so pissed, man ... I was on the edge of my seat
just going please, please beat them, please. I just did not want them to win
the Super Bowl. For them to have made it that far and to have lost was almost
sweeter than for them to have not even made it at all, I think. Because you
just saw the look on Mike Martz's face, man, and that was a great thing. And
all those guys' faces, you know, Kurt Warner talking about he's going to have
to buy the Super Bowl rings before the game -- and seeing Mike Martz, with that
cocky look on his face, thinking he's got it in the bag and then, all of a sudden,
they lose it.”
(1) Lance “I can’t cover a 34 year old white guy
from Wake Forest” Schulters
(2) Jeff “The Rams won our Super Bowl, but I own them
in preseason” Fisher
(3) Jim “Rams play bull$#$ football, but I’ll run
their plays next week” Haslett
(4) Kevin “Can I have Warner’s autograph”
(5) None of the above
Of course the correct answer is none of the above, as the quote ( as every
Ram fan can attest ) came from the Rams new 26.5 million dollar right tackle,
Kyle Turley. That’s right… Kyle Turley. You all know Kyle, he’s
the same long haired, tatted up, Ram hating surfing wildman, who’s best
known for participating in the 2001 punt, pass, and helmet toss competition.
26.5 million dollars makes strange bedfellows, doesn’t it?
That being said, there is no questioning Turley’s talent, and the fact
that this trade improves the Rams offensive line significantly. Major kudos’
have to go to Jay Zygmunt and the Rams front office for getting a tackle of
Turley’s level by only surrendering a 2nd round pick in 2004.
The addition fills what was a major positional void for the Rams in 2002, and
brings badly needed strength and depth to a unit that was battered, bruised,
and mocked both on the field and off last season.
Combined with the earlier signing of free agent center Dave Wohlabaugh, the
trade for David Loverne, the current resigning of Andy McCollum ( who’ll
most likely play left guard now that Wohlabaugh is here ) and the extension
offered to and signed by Grant Williams, the Rams have shown a strong commitment
and resolve in addressing what was regarded as the team’s ( outside of
the LB position perhaps ) most glaring weakness, and depending on how the Orlando
Pace situation evolves, they ( The Rams ) now have a chance of having two pro
bowl level tackles anchor their offensive line the next 4-5 years. If Pace keeps
his head on straight and plays ( If he doesn’t sit out ) up to his capabilities
next year despite the franchise tag, the Rams will have without a doubt, one
of, if not THE most potent offensive line in the league, and considering the
shape this unit was in all of last year, the front office deserves a sainthood
for the miracle they have performed in healing the bleeding.
I’m here to tell you now… Woe be to the league, now that Warner
is finally healthier and will no doubt have fewer defenders hanging onto his
shoulder pads and considerably better protection than last year. There is going
to be hell to pay for all the nay-sayers and Kurt bashers next year, and I hope
those people have purchased asbestos suits. Remember you heard it here first,
but come January 2004, we’ll have a three time league MVP wearing the
Further on down the schoolbus yellow brick road… More famous quotes :
“Four score and 7 years ago” --- Abraham Lincoln 1863
“I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth” ---
Lou Gehrig 1939
“One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind” --- Neil Armstrong
“We just keep running by Jason. That’s all I know” Mike Martz
“I’d like to line up against Jason Sehorn every week” Mike
Ouch! Now we know what you’re thinking… You haven’t seen those
types of insults since Don Rickles was headlining the Sands. Now, let’s
mosey on up to this quoted , dated March 21st 2003
“I love his approach. I love his intensity… He’s my kind
of guy. He’s my kind of player.”
(1) Kyle Rote Jr --- Sehorn’s agent
(2) Nancy Alexander --- Sehorn’s mother
(3) Angie Harmon --- Sehorn’s wife
(4) None of the above
If you’ve said #4 you’re a winner!
That’s right it was none other than that Don Rickles protégé
himself Mike Martz who uttered those immortal words.
What’s up with that? Are we now in bizarro world?
Now you comic book lovers should remember bizzaro world. It was of course, the
alternate Superman universe where each word and meaning meant just the opposite
here on earth, such as…
Up = Down
Ugly = Pretty
Classy = Warren Sapp
Ok, Ok, I cheated on that last one. We all know Warren Sapp wouldn’t be
considered classy even on bizarro world, but you get my drift.
The Rams if they are successful in pursuing Sehorn, are expected to possibly
switch him to free safety in tandem with Adam Archuleta. Where would that leave
Kim Herring you ask? Well, that would probably depend on whether the Rams can
snag Sehorn for close to the veterans minimum, or if they are looking at a 1.5
to 2 million price tag. If the latter is the case, the Rams will most likely
have to jettison a player from the roster to free up the needed cap space, and
that player most likely in my opinion, would be Kim Herring.
The Rams though, might want to think twice before being too hasty, because Herring
while slightly disappointing in his play last year, has been a model of consistency,
having started 47 of the last 48 regular season games, while Sehorn, as is widely
known, has been injury prone, having played in all 16 regular season games just
3 times in his 8 year NFL career.
Jettisoning Herring in lieu of Sehorn if he were to sign, would leave the Rams
with two untested young safeties in Nick Sorenson and Nick Bellisari ( Who himself
is coming off a season spent on the injured reserve due to a serious knee injury
) as depth, and with promising strong safety Adam Archuleta also showing a propensity
for getting “dinged” up, it would leave the position one injury
away from a major problem.
It appears that the Rams, even though they have offered Ernie
Conwell by market standards, a very fair contract proposal, will have to wait
a bit longer for Conwell to make a decision. The Rams have offered in the neighborhood
of 1.6 to 1.7 million dollars a year, and Conwell is reportedly said to be seeking
2 million or more.
Conwell has visited Jacksonville ( reports state that they have a offer out
on the table ) and it appears Carolina and Houston still hold interest. Washington
briefly courted Conwell, but decided that Ernie’s price tag was a bit
too hefty, especially since tight end isn’t a major component in the Spurrier
As this was being written, the news came across that the Rams have signed Cam
Cleeland in what is my opinion, a very solid move. Cleeland while having been
a bit banged up the past several seasons, is still young ( 27 ) and despite
the injury bug, has shown flashes of what he can do while healthy. I don’t
think this is a “message” to Ernie, and what this does to the status
of the Conwell issue is yet to be seen, but irregardless, Cleeland will provide
Last note on Conwell…
It just appears to me at least, that Conwell is just dead set
on seeing what he can get on the open market. No harm in that as this is a free
enterprise system, but please people, spare me the “Rams should just fork
over the $200-300,000 dollars they are apart and sign him” mantra. First
off, the contract they have offered is VERY fair in my estimation, and frankly,
I don’t think Ernie is worth more. Secondly, there is no guarantee that
even if they pony up the difference, that Ernie will take it. Thirdly, just
because some other team might be willing to overpay Conwell, doesn’t mean
the Rams should up the offer to keep in line with it.
At some point, it comes down to the players mentality, and if he simply wants
to get and take the “best offer” he can, all other considerations
aside, then frankly, I wouldn’t want him on my team anyway. That’s
my opinion, and I’m sticking to it.
CHUCKY THE TERRIBLE:
Halloween may have been 5 months ago, but it appears they’ve
really created a monster down there in Tampa Bay. John Gruden who has never
been known as a shrinking violet anyway, has apparently become the ego that
Rumors are abounding that “Chucky” decided to break out his drunken
lampshade wearing vaudeville act at the recent owners meetings, and did everything
but call current Bucs GM Rich McKay the illegitimate son of Osama Bin Laden.
Nice show of class there Chucky.
Yep, you did a fine job in coaching the Bucs to their first world championship,
but have you forgotten who it was that built the talent base? Who stocked the
franchise full of world class defenders?
Of course, if someone has to go, it’ll be McKay, because the Bucs simply
have too much tied up in Gruden ( two first round picks, two second round picks,
and 8 million dollars ) McKay though, is far too talented a GM to not land on
his feet, and in my opinion, if he is let go, he’ll eventually have the
last laugh in the future.
I find it extremely humorous how Mike Martz is constantly vilified in the hypocritical
national media due to his perceived egotism and supposed power-mongering, while
other coaches, who are far better examples of it, consistently get free rides.
Look, there are FAR worse sarcastically insatiable narcissists in the league
( Bill Parcells… Duh! ) and really far better examples of self centered,
self aggrandizing, pompous egotism (John Gruden ) than can be laid on Martz’s
doorstep. Not to say Martz is perfect, or that he doesn’t need to seriously
work on his people and personnel skills, but he is not in my opinion, the ogre
people make him out to be, nor the jerkish equal of some of the other coaches
in the league.
Espn has the ESPY’s, the music industry has the Grammy’s,
and Hollywood has the Golden Globes and the Oscar’s.
In that fine tradition, we’d like to announce the newest of awards shows,
to be seen each and every week on your local screens.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the “CYNICALS”
Yes indeed, the first sports award show to be dedicated to the
ideology and opinion, that all human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest,
and who better to emcee, than your resident bitterly jaded cynic himself….
This week’s nominees in the Timothy Leary hallucinogenics are my life
Say it ain’t so Emmitt!
The hall of fame bound, last remaining link to the Cowboy dynasty of the early
1990’s. The leading rusher in NFL history.
The man who’ll be immortalized alongside legendary Cowboy greats for the
rest of eternity.
That man is ending his career with the Cardinals? The CARDINALS?
What were you thinking Emmitt?
If you didn’t drop some acid before you made that decision, then surely
the rest of America is going to have to come September, in pathetic attempts
to wash away the pain of seeing you in that uniform.
Yes, that wild wacky bunch are consistent aren’t they?
Each playoff season comes, and each playoff season, immense buffoonery takes
If they aren’t calling phantom procedure calls on Tom Mack, they’re
allowing “immaculate receptions” and “music city miracles”
Not to mention along the way giving Green Bay a extra 10 feet in goalpost width
against the Colts in 1965, allowing Drew Pearson to commit felonious assault
on Minnesota’s Nate Wright on Staubach’s hail mary in 1976, saying
Mike Renfro TD catch was out of bounds in 1980, failing to see that Jerry Rice
had coughed up the ball long before he hit the ground against Green Bay in 1998,
pulling some outlandishly bogus “tuck rule” BS out of their rear
ends during New England- Oakland in 2002, or that grandiose keystone cops imitation
they performed at the end of last years New York – San Francisco wild
A few quotes from that one…
A pass-interference penalty should have been called against the San Francisco
49ers at the end of their wild 39-38 playoff victory, giving New York another
chance to kick a game-winning field goal, said Mike Pereira, NFL director of
The refs ruled correctly that New York had an ineligible receiver downfield
during the play, but they did not throw a flag when Rich Seubert was yanked
to the ground as he tried to catch a pass after the Giants bungled the last
second field-goal attempt.
The teams SHOULD have had to replay the down with an offsetting pass-interference
penalty, because as league rules state, a game cannot end with offsetting penalties.
Thus, the game should have been extended by one untimed down
It’s time to ease out the 60 year old part time insurance salesmen, and
go with full time, well versed in every nuance and aspect of the game, officiating
The officials must be on hallucinogens, because they routinely see and call
things that can neither be explained nor rationalized.
And the winner is: ( Drum roll please….. )
Sports Agent Carl Poston!!!!!
Well, what can we say about Ol’ Carl here? Over the years, he’s
certainly crafted a well earned reputation for stubbornness, holdouts, incendiary
negotiations, and for being flat out being impossible to deal with, but Ol’
King Carl here, has truly outdone himself this year. So much so, it appears
that Carl is a virtual lock for the Timothy Leary Hallucinogenic lifetime achievement
Yep, it seems that the dean of delusional, started out the negotiations for
Orlando Pace this year, by asking the Rams for a 24 million dollar signing bonus,
in conjunction with a 85 million dollar contract. After seeing these (ahem)
numbers, the Rams immediately did some negotiating of their own, and slapped
their available franchise tag on Pace, therefore guaranteeing Pace, a one year
salary at the average of the top 5 Offensive lineman in the league, which according
to calculations, comes out to be in the neighborhood of 5.73 million dollars,
which is hardly chump change.
Now Poston is the same Einstein who had Pace sit out all of training camp in
1997, before eventually securing and signing a 6 year 18.3 million dollar deal
on August 15th.
Problem is, is that the contract signed was exactly the one the Rams had already
put on the table the month before training camp opened.
Nice skills there Carl baby!
Of course, much is still to be played out in the Pace saga, and as long as Pace
employs the firm of Dumb and Dumberer as his agents, you can expect a long contentious
More to come about Pace and Poston the wonder agent in the coming weeks.
Well, that’s it for this edition folks.
Thanks for the time, and I promise not to be such a stranger in the future
See you all soon!